how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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