If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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