after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
