girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
