Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
