I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just had sex on a roof
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
