I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
