Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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