I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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