I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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