It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
