dude i'm inner monologue high
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My feet surprised me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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