I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You've changed since you got that strap on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize