Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize