How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
