Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
handjob tips. give me some.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
