i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
