I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need moral support for this bender
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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