let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
