My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
