I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
