4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We're facebook friends in real life
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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