Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize