You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
