i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
