did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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