jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up under a house in Key West
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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