And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want a musical about memes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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