I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
