Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
