it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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