you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
