just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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