So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
