How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
