I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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