Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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