It was confusing and full of hummus
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
