When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
tell me about the fingering
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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