Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize