I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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