Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
