I met the friendliest cop last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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