I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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