I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
