I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
