evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize