can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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