I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
