The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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