It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
