Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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