Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize