I feel great
I just peed on a car
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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