cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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