watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
