I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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